Lost At 25? So Am I.

It’s been a while since I last posted on this blog. To be honest I should’ve posted more this past year as this blog helped give me time to sit down and sift through my thoughts. I think because things were so hectic at work over the last year, I lost sight of some of the things I wanted to accomplish at 24. At the same time due to the experiences of the last year, some of what I wanted in life has been put in a new perspective, a perspective which at 25 is somewhat confusing.

2014 revolved around one thing, work. I put work above all else in 2014, believing that the fast track to being recognized at work was to give it my all. I gave up my birthday to go on a business trip which resulted in my first stay in the hospital with internal bleeding. My summer, fall, and winter revolved around delivering my second and third projects which resulted in an average of 55+ hour work weeks, no social life, and not much time to do what I enjoy. 2015 started off with the only fruit of my labor in 2014, a trip to Seattle to catch the ferry flight of my second project to Abu Dhabi. I stayed there for two weeks supporting the installation and certification of my third project averaging 78 hours of work per week, three hours of sleep a night,  and two all-nighters. After I got back from the trip, we finished integrating and delivering the last phase of our promised functionality. I ended up with a two month gap in my schedule which foolishly enough resulted in me volunteering to help other programs that were in need of help. By the time it was review season, I thought surely, all of my contributions in the last year would result in a merit based promotion. Sadly, I learned that isn’t the case.

So here I am on a Saturday night reflecting on 24 and how it’s changing how I prioritize my life at 25. I think a lot of my friends around my age feel the same as I do currently. At 25 you’re either in the early stages of your career or finishing up graduate school and about to start your career. Some of my friends have started getting married or are moving towards that direction, while others are still looking for that special someone. There’s so much uncertainty and opportunity at this point, which is both a blessing and a curse.

So what will 25 be for me? This year my focus will be set on personal growth. I’m emphasizing putting more effort and energy to get out and be more social and getting back into dating. Not only do I want to be more social, but I want to experience new things. With all the overtime I worked last year, I have enough savings to comfortably take vacations and travel when I want and where I want. Professionally, I still need to figure out if I want to stay in test. If I do, I need to position myself so that my managers and peers see me as a leader so I can progress up the chain towards management. If I move out of test, I need to figure out if I want to stay with the company but take on a different role or take a pay cut to see if I have what it takes to work as a software engineer at a different company.

At the end of the day, I’m 25 and unsure of what I want to do. For me change is hard. I like consistency and security, but consistency and security is boring and I’m somewhat fed up with boring. All I can do for now is set my goals and move towards them.

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